I know I know it's only been what a few hours since my last blog but this is on a totally different subject.
This is something that is very important to me and probably to those who know me very well. I'm giving up on the drawing aspect of my life. I finally went what the hell am I doing? I'm not going to go anywhere with this and why the hell am I making a paper and pencil trail behind me that is 17 hundred miles behind me. And what is the point? With my skills slipping there is no point in me working for hours and have something that doesn't have people step back and go, "yeah that is something I would like to own." Or "That is really good." I should've known long time ago that I am truely a sub-par artist and really I should stop trying cause something isn't worth doing unless you can do it well. Also who in this world has the money or the time do anything like that anymore. I have no inspiration and frankly I can just not give a damn. I wanted to get back into fine art but the re is no talent left. I should've known way back when I posted my stuff on Fanart Central and no one really posted anything positive or anything I should've known, but instead entertained a farce. That I could really do something with this, just get a little bit better. But there is no way. There is no little bit better, I will never get the bit better that I need to be.
So in the long round a bout way there is something about backscratches. I got one sitting here before I started this blog. I tried and tried as I might to scratch it and No matter what it evaded my nails. Even on the back of the chair I tried with no avail. Finally in frustration I went screw it I'll ignore it and sure enough it went away, I'm hoping it is the same with urge to doodle and draw.
Bennett is really supportive and such but the reality of life is starting to drag me down. I don't know why he even puts up with me, but it's so much that he put a nice promise ring on my finger, and for that I wish I could crawl under some rock and never show my face to the world.
Now I'm going to sniff down my AFI cd cause pandora sucks with dial up. Hopefully this new CD player will work, not like the other one I got that didn't even work, even just out of the package. Stupid stuff.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006