Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Back scratches and drawings

Hi guys.
I know I know it's only been what a few hours since my last blog but this is on a totally different subject.
This is something that is very important to me and probably to those who know me very well. I'm giving up on the drawing aspect of my life. I finally went what the hell am I doing? I'm not going to go anywhere with this and why the hell am I making a paper and pencil trail behind me that is 17 hundred miles behind me. And what is the point? With my skills slipping there is no point in me working for hours and have something that doesn't have people step back and go, "yeah that is something I would like to own." Or "That is really good." I should've known long time ago that I am truely a sub-par artist and really I should stop trying cause something isn't worth doing unless you can do it well. Also who in this world has the money or the time do anything like that anymore. I have no inspiration and frankly I can just not give a damn. I wanted to get back into fine art but the re is no talent left. I should've known way back when I posted my stuff on Fanart Central and no one really posted anything positive or anything I should've known, but instead entertained a farce. That I could really do something with this, just get a little bit better. But there is no way. There is no little bit better, I will never get the bit better that I need to be.

So in the long round a bout way there is something about backscratches. I got one sitting here before I started this blog. I tried and tried as I might to scratch it and No matter what it evaded my nails. Even on the back of the chair I tried with no avail. Finally in frustration I went screw it I'll ignore it and sure enough it went away, I'm hoping it is the same with urge to doodle and draw.

Bennett is really supportive and such but the reality of life is starting to drag me down. I don't know why he even puts up with me, but it's so much that he put a nice promise ring on my finger, and for that I wish I could crawl under some rock and never show my face to the world.
Now I'm going to sniff down my AFI cd cause pandora sucks with dial up. Hopefully this new CD player will work, not like the other one I got that didn't even work, even just out of the package. Stupid stuff.


Avaelyn said...

Don't stop drawing!! I agree that you're not the best artist, but you should do art because you like to do it, not because you want to sell something or have people tell you that you're good... I'm not the best artist, either, and will probably never sell one single piece of art EVER... but I keep drawing because I like to do it... I've been drawing all my life, and even if I don't make money doing it, it's something that I would never give up... It's the same with singing, playing guitar and piano... I know that I'm not horrible, but I will never make a record or perform on a stage or make money doing it... With art of any form, that shouldn't be the entire point...

Everyone thinks they suck at some point... I do all the time... but I'm not going to take drawing and art out of my life because I'm not going anywhere with it... I think you should just keep trying... I may not sell anything, but I can take pride in the fact that I created something, and that my family and the people who really care about me like my work... If something happens with it, great, if it doesn't, that's okay, too...

That's good to hear that you and Bennett are still together, and he gave you a promise ring, that's sweet... I don't know when exactly, but I know that Kyle and I want to get married within the next two years or so... We're kinda both thinking summer next year... I've been kinda bugging him, and everyone's been asking when we're going to be married... I mean, seriously, we've been together for 7 years!! We both know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together... So, I'm just waiting for my ring!! *giggle* And I've got to lose a LOT of weight... goodness, I've gotten fat... well, fatter, 'cause already was, but hey...

Kami Akai said...

Well kids, it seems like th public has spoken

I'm not going to quit.

I got a nasty note from Jayson and when I told Bennett he just went "no." And promtly reminded me that I have a book deal with his aunt so I really can't do anything. So it's something really important to him that I keep doing it. As for posting some new work, yes, I have a couple of new art works on Fanart Central and now thinking that I should make a devient art account but I'm not sure yet. I keep signed up to Fanart to read RAY til it's finished (I'm kinda behind)