Monday, September 10, 2012


Words are dangerous things...They have the power to create and the power to destroy.  They tell truths unimaginable and lies of the probable.  They can lift a spirit or tear off its wings and send it crashing down to the ground. 
People rely on me so heavily as a pillor of strength and hope but in truth I am nothing but a liar, a coward and a cheat.  I make claims that I cannot back up.  I run away from fights that I cannot win at.  I cheat hope in the face of those who believe in me. 
I cannot take the pressure of those who want more out of me.  I want to scream off some mountaintop at the top of my lungs and then die in the bottom of some forsaken hole.  Everything that I say seems to be an eforcement of a lie or trickery that has been spun in the past.  What am I?  Am I truely the person that I have woven to be in front of others?  I doubt it for I am a different person when I am alone, when there is no eyes upon me and I am free to do and say what I feel.  Right now all words have a grittiness to it, as if I am chewing on sand.  Yet I speak what others want to hear.
Someone asks if I'm OK, I say of course.
Someone says that the future is going to be ok, I say it sure is!
Someone says that they love me, I say I love them back.
Ususally I fall into a depressive state and this is nothing new, but this time I'm turning physically ill.  Everytime I open my mouth something else sneaks out that I'm not sure if its truth or another manufactured lie, whose main intent is to lead someone away from the truth and into another false path.  Should I be damned for telling such?  I think I already have.  I'm not sure why I am writing this but I am sure that no one shall read this and respond to it.  The people who once loved blogger as a communication source is no longer using it as such.  If there is still someone who reads this and reaches out do I want it?  Perhaps deep down I do, but on the surface I do not.  For on the surface I smile and so what others wish me to do.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

So angry that I could kick a puppy

I mean a really fluffy puppy.  One that sweeks when you come near and chases it tail and has huge watery eyes.  Yeah that one.

Now a lot of times when I come on and write a blog I sound angry, but most of the time this anger stems up from a deep resent for humanity.  Since the people who read this blog is part of this group of individuals this could be caused by you.  However this is only because there is a few people who really get me angry.  1. People who lie to my face. 2. People who owe me money. 3. People who treat others like shit for helping them. 4. People who question my integrity.  There is a bunch more but these are the few things that get me fairly angry, almost to the stage of mad-like angry.  I don't show this often, for my anger really scares people so most of the time I'm gruff and moody, which in most people's worlds mean I'm angry.  Not so.

Either way discussing the terms on an equal scale usually anger takes up too much of my time and energy and being of one that energy and time is a few things I lack, take great offence when they are wasted.

OK background placement is laid out on my personality for those who may or may not know me very well.

When it comes to matters of money and business break-ups are often the worst, generally because both parties are consumed with greed and want more than was dictated.  Often if both sides are happy then one side doesn't know the whole truth.  If one side is happy and the other is not then there is some money swindling going on.  If both sides are unhappy then the deal is fair.

I'm often one that tries to be fair and asks how things should be handled for I usually calculate three different ways of how one could look at how much could be divided up in any transaction.  I'm the one who looks at a bill and can calculate everyone's share and take the larger portion for myself to pay.  I can't count how many times I have shafted myself so that others could take a break.  So whenever someone questions my integrity for whatever reason it really offends me.  But I don't think I'm the only one that is like this that thinks that there is a bit of bias out there.  There is more than enough people who are trying to steal the bigger piece of the pie so that whenever you have pie people are taking out their micrometers to divy it up.  Forgetting that there is some pie that is crushed by the knife as it cuts into it.

Anyways the anger is faded somewhat and I now get to look towards the still dimly lit future.  Especially since my health is still in the garbage and there is no viable employment on the horizon.  Boo.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Blogger I still hate you but...

I am still getting used to the new style that blogger has and in that I am still hating it.  But in some ways it makes me feel as though another step has been taken away from the mainstream and in that fashion it has taken away all that I have to worry about people reading this and tying it to my true life.  That is everyone who now reads this blog has seen some part of me that I do not show those who know me well.  Those who know me well do not read further into my life than they feel comfortable and in some ways scares them.  This I know.  I miss those who I could be myself around at all times something fierce, but there are times I wish I could follow them but I must turn away and plod along on the path that I am now forced to follow.

Sorry for being confusing.  Sometimes confusion brings sanity in the mists of chaos.

Either way I have those who I have made up to keep me company.
As for that, I worry about the plots that the sisters are planning.  Ferniand has been eerily quiet, giving no word on the tasks that she has in the works from about 400AD to 1930AD.  Alarice had gone into hiding after her encounter with Maure and taking back Cecillia.  Maure has been the only one that has been feeding me any information that continues the story.  Meanwhile John has been ironing out some of the minor details that has caused his arc to collaspe.  Freak I know more what's going on in an imaginary world than my own.

About that I am completely broken away from the modern world!  No tele makes me so disjointed with what's going on that I don't even know that it's smoky outside, because it's not smoky here at home.  But in town it is sapposably bad.  I didn't know that a stage collasped and killed two people in TO until a radio told me over three weeks later.  Damned broadcasting companies declairing that we need to be digital, now I have no TV and my internet still sucks major dung!

Now I am entering another Animethon and this year I have time for a costume but all that I wish to dress up as had some sort of malfunction that makes it difficult.  Oh well I might drop back and dress up in one of my other costumes.

Wednesday, July 04, 2012

Why must things change?

OK I know I haven't been blogging as much as I would like or as much as I should.  Sorry Real Life is still being a hair up my nose and I appologize.  Either way I doubt that this message will meet with those who I personally know and would respond back anyways, but I still say sorry.

First off, why did blogger change?  It looks stupid now for publishing.  Go away for a bit and they change things on me.

Second thing that has changed and I am starting to really miss now is Shonen Jump.  In April they concluded their monthly magazine in order to present everything online.  Fine and dandy but you pay to read it online and it expires, therefore it doesn't stick around forever.  Secondly, if I wanted to read manga online I would've forgone BUYING Shonen Jump and all the other hard copy magazines that proudly line my bookshelves and went to mangafox or any other fan converted manga site and got them for free.  I'm tired of comic book companies believing that if they force the online issue that everyone will bleet and go like little sheep over to the internet.  There is still perople who love the smell and feel of paper, the freedom of being without a screen.  But I guess I'm now too old fashioned for everything that is new and now!

Either way I will stop my rants short because this new publishing thing with blogger is bugging me so I bid you all adieu!

Saturday, March 03, 2012

Soba Bowl!

Once again sorry for the lack of posting. I just got Twin Earth back from editor #1 and there is many many many things that have to be repaired and added so there is a big draw on the small amount of computer time I have dealing with that. Hopefully I can get it ready for the summer of 2013, maybe even sooner. I have to be realistic about that date...Sorry for the lovers of my writings. Also the second book is in the concept stage and it is going to be another action packed one, I'm already excited to start on it but first the first one should take priority.

Anyways back to what I titled this blog about: Soba Bowl! We have new items that soon will be on the Facebook pages because we are going to take pictures of our stock as we take inventory of it. Should be interesting to see how things are going to work out in the end. Meanwhile those who are in Edmonton should check it out! Soba is being held at the Harry Ainley High School on March 10th! See you there!

Also on another note just because I probably will not be able to blog for a time we will have a total of 4 cons in three weekends in April. These include Harufest, JPAme, MemFest, and Calgary Comic Expo!

Anyways I'm off for now!

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Taste of Animethon and the Norovirus

I know that I've been ignoring this site once again, but being out of school and working full time + has made it difficult to continue to update as frequently as I would like.

Taste of Animethon...

As I mentioned before I am part of a group of artists and vendors dubbed Random Array (plug: check us out on Facebook and like us: end plug). We go around and sell various items at conventions. We have been fortunate to be able to attend a Taste of Animethon again this year. It is amazing how quickly we have grown and continue to grow. I'm so proud of all my artists because they work so hard and get paid off at the end!
However I must admit that I want to shame some of the other companies that also attend these events. I know, I really shouldn't be saying much because I know that one must jack up prices from cost to make a profit. However there is something saying when we sell an item for half of the price of a simular item and have better quality. It angers me.
Otherwise we had a profitable day and it was so much fun!

I have the evil! This one is bad! Hide for the hills! I have been ill for almost 2 weeks and lost about 15lbs. eepp! It's not as if I don't have the 15 lbs to lose but it isn't good to be losing so quickly. Oh well I'll try to get better and contact the health athorities to get better.

With that I am off to bed so hopefully I will update sooner than this, with hopefully new news on a job prospect. (I'm really hating mine right now) So have a good day everyone!