Gods help me it's only Thursday...

It's 4 pm on thursday, and I am exhausted. I don't think I can take anymore, I just want to put up my little white flag and surrender. I don't know why I feel like this, but it feels better typing it out. Here is as good as any place.

I miss the days of high school. I took out the yearbook the other day and looked at some of the pictures remembering some of the stuff we all used to do everyday there. It's hard to think that my sister probably isn't going to go to the old memorial Comp. It is often nice to go and walk the halls that I had walked everyday that I attended. I went down main street and it seems weird. A lot of things have changed and I am still not sure if it is for the better or it the slow decline of the downtown sector. I really don't want to touch anything anymore. Everything I use, touch,do, gets ruined in the end.

I look back on my life and, true there would be some things I would like to change, all of us as humanity does. Some are small lessons in life that if they were missed they would've changed our lives forever. Is there anything that can be done about something like that now? No. We have to pray and hope that we live out our lives and that we have done the best with the cards that we were dealt. Some do a lot better than others. Man, no wonder I'm getting depressed, my mentality must be pulling it's weight lately...Probably explains why I have been writing so well lately....

Oh well food is calling! Chio!

While digging in the recycle bin part 1

I came upon this poem...Thought it interesting and to save it before it gets thrown out. Enjoy!

Four in the morning

It's four inthe morning and once more the dawnin'

Just woke up he wanting in me

Wishin' I'd never met her - knowing if I'd forget her

How much better off she would be

The longer I hold on and the longer this goes on

The harder that it's gonna be

But it's four in the morning and what's more the dawnin'

Just woke up the wanting in me

I never deserved her god knows when I hurt her

That's the last thing that I want to do

She tries but she can't tell how she feels but I know

Too well what she's goin' through

If I love her so much I don't know why I can't do

The right thing and just let her be

But it's four in the morning and once more the dawnin'

Just woke up the wanting in me

Last night I told her this time it's all over

Makin' ten times I told her goodbye

Last nite we broke up this morning I woke up

And for the tenth time I'm changing my mind

I saw more love in her eyes when I left her

Than most foolish men will ever see

But it's four in the morning and once more the dawnin'
Just woke up the wanting in me

-Anonomous <---However it is spelt.

Why do I even try? LOL

Good Afternoon.

I am unsure of why but this is something that I have found out in the last few days that everyone in Spruce and Stony that I encounter is suffering from a lack of sleep, or seem to be. Here I am almost falling asleep on the way to work, to Carol, who is going around yawning. I think the fact that it is sooo slow right now is making at least us here absolutly tired. What is the great boom in Alberta? It is not in the little guys. It's all in the oil industry and those associated with it. Comming in with the big wages for the oil workers is the large wages that pull people to stay in town and not go up to Fort Mac, or anywhere where the coal and oil is driving the money machine. Anyone who comes in for us to send out resumes or type them are all looking out for the large price gains.

Which I shall bring it to the single person who is working at a store like WalMart or Canadian Tire, where the worst hassle of the day is customers actually asking for something. Staples is simular with people running for the hills as soon as someone walks into the store. I bet that cashiers would take off if they weren't pinned to the tills. Also what is the point of actually working? To those type of jobs, no matter if you work hard or slack off and kinda do your job, you get paid the same. What really kicks people in the shins is that when the slack-ass gets paid more for what he does, the reason is that they are the first to complain and threaten to move on. Companies are too afraid to let people go due to the fact that they could cross the street and find a better job. The kicker is once they find someone like me, I will work for less than I am worth.

And what are people worth? A lot less than 30 years ago. Not when you compare to what the money of that time could buy. My parents used to work at the same wage that I do now, and groceries costed them about $25, rent $75/mo., fuel (not much) and it didn't take them too long to accumilate enough money to buy a house with some land. Today I am working at a little bit higher rate and cannot get enough money to keep my car together and in fuel. Forget the house.

I haven't done well in the real estate thing, one reason why is that I haven't been healthy enough to do so. This is now week two of having an ear infection. Now the damned thing is spreading to the other ear and down my throat. So I sit in my little corner and try to ignore the rest of the world so that I don't have to really focus too hard on trying to understand people that are standing infront of me, forget the phone. I have almost exploded on my boss for walking up behind me and started to talk like usual on my bad side and then come up on the side that I actually can hear out of and surprise the hell outta me...GRUMBLE.

As for the rest of my life I'm going to try for a tractor driving job. Maybe it will be air conditioned and pay almost double that I get paid for here...We will see.

I have been writing again. As soon as I get more time at my computer and shoo Kim away from it I might post more on it but that is a maybe. I'm working in some interesting new lines and ideas in it. Hopefully everyone will approve and I can draw them as beautifully as they are in my mind...